Category Archives: Humor

Driver Seat Shock

0 Driver Seat Shock

Beware the mechanically inclined prankster.

Ran a wire from coil of truck to seat when he tried to start it shocked him

Prank guy gets shocked by plug wire

August 20, 2012

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“Der Struwwelpeter“ or “Shockhead Peter“ was a 1845 children’s…

“Der Struwwelpeter“ or “Shockhead Peter“ was a 1845 children’s book by
Heinrich Hoffmann.  It was one of the first books to feature progressive images with text, making it a fore-runner to comic books.

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A Historian Walks into a Bar . . .

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A Historian Walks into a Bar . . .

Tracee Ellis Ross Of ‘black-ish’ Fame, To Host The 2017 American Music Awards

Tracee Ellis Ross Tracee Ellis Ross Of ‘black ish’ Fame, To Host The 2017 American Music Awards

dick clark productions and ABC announced today that Golden Globe Award-winning actress Tracee Ellis Ross will host the “2017 American Music Awards.” The star of hit ABC comedy series “black-ish” will take the stage to preside over an evening of non-stop musical magic, where Ross’ own mother, Diana Ross, will receive the “American Music Award for Lifetime Achievement.” The “2017 American Music Awards,” the world’s largest fan-voted awards show where music enthusiasts watch their favorite artists and pop culture icons come together to honor idols, newcomers and record-breakers in the contemporary music scene, will celebrate 45 years of music live from the Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles on Sunday, Nov. 19, at 8:00 p.m. EST on ABC.

“I am thrilled to host this special night which honors some of the greatest musical talents in our industry,” said Tracee Ellis Ross. “And I’m especially thrilled to host this year when my mother is receiving the ‘American Music Award for Lifetime Achievement.’”

Tracee Ellis Ross is the star of the hit ABC comedy series “black-ish,” which airs Tuesday nights this fall. For her role, Ross won the 2017 Golden Globe Award for Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy. Most recently, Ross was nominated for a 2017 Emmy® Award for Outstanding Actress in a Comedy Series. This followed her 2016 Emmy nomination in the same category. She also received the 2015 and 2016 NAACP Image Award for Best Actress in a Comedy Series. In addition, Ross was honored and acknowledged at the 2016 ESSENCE Black Women in Hollywood luncheon receiving the Fierce and Fearless award. Ross is best known for her starring role on the hit sitcom “Girlfriends,” which ran for eight seasons on the UPN/CW network.

 

As previously announced, music legend, Diana Ross, will take the stage for a rare performance at the “2017 American Music Awards” and will be honored with the “American Music Award for Lifetime Achievement.” Christina Aguilera will pay tribute to Whitney Houston and music from “The Bodyguard” with a performance in honor of the film’s 25th anniversary, which falls on the same week as the awards ceremony. Other previously announced performers include BTS, Alessia Cara & Zedd, Kelly Clarkson, Selena Gomez, Niall Horan, Imagine Dragons & Khalid, Demi Lovato, P!NK, Portugal. The Man, and Hailee Steinfeld & Alesso ft. Florida Georgia Line & watt. Additionally, Bebe Rexha will combine with Florida Georgia Line to treat American Music Awards fans to an encore performance for Xfinity TV customers, which will be available following the show on Xfinity On Demand.

Nominations for the “2017 American Music Awards” were announced last month. Bruno Mars leads with eight nominations, including Artist of the Year, Video of the Year, and Favorite Male Artist – Pop/Rock. The Chainsmokers, Drake, Kendrick Lamar, Ed Sheeran and The Weeknd tied with five nominations each, while Justin Bieber, Daddy Yankee and Luis Fonsi received four nominations each. Additionally, Keith Urban earned three nominations, and Rihanna and Halsey earned two nominations each.

The American Music Awards winners are voted entirely by fans. Voting is now open in all categories. Fans are able to vote using the following methods:

For New Artist of the Year presented by T-Mobile and Collaboration of the Year presented by Xfinity, fans can vote for each award 100 times per day, per voting platform in one or both of the ways above. Fans can vote for all other awards once per day, per voting platform.

The Artist of the Year nominees are Bruno Mars, The Chainsmokers, Drake, Kendrick Lamar and Ed Sheeran. Voting for Artist of the Year will close on Thursday, Nov. 16, at 8:59:59 p.m. PST. Voting for all other editorial categories closes on Monday, Nov. 13, at 8:59:59 a.m. PST. Voting for New Artist of the Year presented by T-Mobile and Collaboration of the Year presented by Xfinity will close on Sunday, Nov. 19, at 5:59:59 p.m. PST, one hour into the live broadcast.

American Music Awards nominees are based on key fan interactions as reflected in Billboard Magazine and on Billboard.com, including album and digital song sales, radio airplay, streaming, social activity and touring. These measurements are tracked by Billboard and its data partners, including Nielsen Music and Next Big Sound. The eligibility period for the “2017 American Music Awards” was September 9, 2016, to September 14, 2017.

Sponsors for the “2017 American Music Awards” include Comcast’s Xfinity, Security Benefit and T-Mobile. Media partners include Cumulus Media/Westwood One and Music Choice.

The “2017 American Music Awards” is produced by dick clark productions. Allen Shapiro and Mike Mahan are executive producers. Larry Klein, Barry Adelman and Mark Bracco are producers.

For the latest American Music Awards news, exclusive content and more, be sure to follow the AMAs on social and join the conversation by using the official hashtag for the show, #AMAs.

Facebook: Facebook.com/AMAs

Twitter: @AMAs

Instagram: @AMAs

Snapchat: TheAMAs

Tumblr: amas.tumblr.com

Cheat Tweet: And the host of the 2017 @AMAs is @TraceeEllisRoss! Don’t miss it, LIVE this Sunday at 8/7c on ABC: amas.news/host #AMAs

Tickets are now on sale at www.axs.com.

‘Get Out’ Submitted As A Comedy In The upcoming Golden Globes

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The Humor Mill

Feather Vacuum

 Feather Vacuum

Bird head massage with steady negative suction.

“Derpy Macaw likes to be vacuumed…”
Image courtesy of https://imgur.com/gallery/IFMPT.

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A Historian Walks into a Bar . . .

“Are You Saying We Could Just Upload War And Peace?”

Considering the best-case scenario of how many days I might possibly have left in my life and how many books I want to read—not even counting the ones yet to be published that will lengthen that list—there’s no doubt I’ll fall well short of crossing off every title. That could be viewed as a blessing: At least I’ll never run out of reading material. It’s also a curse. What if there was another way?

In Cathy O’Neil’s concerned Bloomberg View opinion piece “What If We Could Upload Books to Our Brains?” the editorialist pivots off of a podcast discussion between Neil deGrasse Tyson and Ray Kurzweil, two guys who just won’t give it a rest. The excerpt:

‎Ray Kurzweil:

Computers are getting smaller and smaller. We’ll have nano-robots the size of blood cells that have computers in them. They’ll go into the brain through the capillaries and communicate with our neurons. We already know how to do that. People with Parkinson’s disease already have computer connections into their brain. My view is that we’re going to become a hybrid, partly biological, partly non-biological. However, the non-biological part is subject to what I call the Law of Accelerating Returns. It’s going to expand exponentially. The cloud is expanding exponentially. It’s getting about twice as powerful every year. Our biological thinking is relatively fixed. I mean, there’ve been a few genetic changes in the last few thousand years, but for the most part it hasn’t changed much, and it’s not going to expand because we have this fixed skull that constrains it and it actually runs on a very slow substrate that’s a million times slower than electronic circuits.

Neil deGrasse Tyson:

Then why invoke the brain-machine connection at that point? You’ve got the machine.

Ray Kurzweil:

Because it’s a much faster interface. Our fingers are very slow.

‎Neil deGrasse Tyson:

The world is going too slow for you. You want to speed it up.

Ray Kurzweil:

I mean, it is. How long does it take you to read The Brothers Karamozov? It takes months.

Neil deGrasse Tyson:

So you’re suggesting that you can get these nanobots the size of your neurosynapses and one that will be pre-loaded with War and Peace and will somehow inject it into your neurosynaptic memory banks and then you’re done, you’ve got it. Just like in the Matrix, they would load memory programs into you.

Ray Kurzweil:

We will connect into neocortical hierarchies in the cloud. Some of that could have preloaded knowledge.•

A couple things: 1) Even if your lips move, it should not take months to read the Brothers Karamozov. 2) Feel free to toss Kurzweil’s “Law of Accelerating Returns” onto a pile of e-waste, as he’s often wildly optimistic in these matters.

That means we likely won’t be the ones making decisions about this brave new world, if humans get to make them at all. I assume Kurzweil means the result of volumes being uploaded into our descendants’ wetware would be different than if they were fed into a computer, that these future people wouldn’t just absorb this information as data but would be capable of analysis and criticism as if they’d actually sat and read them.

It would be akin to swallowing a pill dinner instead of eating food. Of course, that way of taking nourishment would cause jaws, mouths, teeth, throats and stomachs to change, likely for the worst. You’d have to think parts of our brains might go slack if we were plugging them into a library, painlessly absorbing shelves at a time. 

When futurists talk about carbon-silicon hybrids as necessary to evolve and save the species, they’re actually talking about perpetuating some form of life, more than specifically “human life.”

From O’Neil:

What if humans could upload all the great classics of literature to their brains, without having to go through the arduous process of reading? Wonderful and leveling as that may seem, it’s a prospect that I’m not sure we should readily embrace.

A while ago, I listened to an interview with futurist Ray Kurzweil on astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson’s radio show StarTalk. Kurzweil described (starting at 10:30) how our brains might someday interface directly with non-biological forms of intelligence, possibly with the help of nano-bots that travel through our capillaries.
 
Given how much faster this interface would be than regular reading, he went on, we’d be able to consume novels like “The Brothers Karamazov” in moments, rather than the current rather clumsy form of ingestion known as reading, which, he said, “could take months.”
 
At this point Tyson interjected: Are you saying we could just upload War and Peace? Yes, Kurzweil answered: “We will connect to neocortical hierarchies in cloud with pre-loaded knowledge.”

This snippet of conversation has baffled and fascinated me ever since.•

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THE FUTURE SOON TO BE SEEN BY OUR KIDS

blank THE FUTURE SOON TO BE SEEN BY OUR KIDS

Welcome to 2030:

Welcome to the year 2030. Welcome to my city – or should I say, “our city”. I don’t own anything. I don’t own a car. I don’t own a house. I don’t own any appliances or any clothes.

It might seem odd to you, but it makes perfect sense for us in this city. Everything you considered a product, has now become a service. We have access to transportation, accommodation, food and all the things we need in our daily lives. One by one all these things became free, so it ended up not making sense for us to own much.

First communication became digitized and free to everyone. Then, when clean energy became free, things started to move quickly. Transportation dropped dramatically in price. It made no sense for us to own cars anymore, because we could call a driverless vehicle or a flying car for longer journeys within minutes. We started transporting ourselves in a much more organized and coordinated way when public transport became easier, quicker and more convenient than the car. Now I can hardly believe that we accepted congestion and traffic jams, not to mention the air pollution from combustion engines. What were we thinking?

Sometimes I use my bike when I go to see some of my friends. I enjoy the exercise and the ride. It kind of gets the soul to come along on the journey. Funny how some things seem never seem to lose their excitement: walking, biking, cooking, drawing and growing plants. It makes perfect sense and reminds us of how our culture emerged out of a close relationship with nature.

“Environmental problems seem far away”

In our city we don’t pay any rent, because someone else is using our free space whenever we do not need it. My living room is used for business meetings when I am not there.

Once in awhile, I will choose to cook for myself. It is easy – the necessary kitchen equipment is delivered at my door within minutes. Since transport became free, we stopped having all those things stuffed into our home. Why keep a pasta-maker and a crepe cooker crammed into our cupboards? We can just order them when we need them.

This also made the breakthrough of the circular economy easier. When products are turned into services, no one has an interest in things with a short life span. Everything is designed for durability, repairability and recyclability. The materials are flowing more quickly in our economy and can be transformed to new products pretty easily. Environmental problems seem far away, since we only use clean energy and clean production methods. The air is clean, the water is clean and nobody would dare to touch the protected areas of nature because they constitute such value to our well being. In the cities we have plenty of green space and plants and trees all over. I still do not understand why in the past we filled all free spots in the city with concrete.

The death of shopping

Shopping? I can’t really remember what that is. For most of us, it has been turned into choosing things to use. Sometimes I find this fun, and sometimes I just want the algorithm to do it for me. It knows my taste better than I do by now.

When AI and robots took over so much of our work, we suddenly had time to eat well, sleep well and spend time with other people. The concept of rush hour makes no sense anymore, since the work that we do can be done at any time. I don’t really know if I would call it work anymore. It is more like thinking-time, creation-time and development-time.

For a while, everything was turned into entertainment and people did not want to bother themselves with difficult issues. It was only at the last minute that we found out how to use all these new technologies for better purposes than just killing time.

“They live different kinds of lives outside of the city”

My biggest concern is all the people who do not live in our city. Those we lost on the way. Those who decided that it became too much, all this technology. Those who felt obsolete and useless when robots and AI took over big parts of our jobs. Those who got upset with the political system and turned against it. They live different kind of lives outside of the city. Some have formed little self-supplying communities. Others just stayed in the empty and abandoned houses in small 19th century villages.

Once in awhile I get annoyed about the fact that I have no real privacy. No where I can go and not be registered. I know that, somewhere, everything I do, think and dream of is recorded. I just hope that nobody will use it against me.

All in all, it is a good life. Much better than the path we were on, where it became so clear that we could not continue with the same model of growth. We had all these terrible things happening: lifestyle diseases, climate change, the refugee crisis, environmental degradation, completely congested cities, water pollution, air pollution, social unrest and unemployment. We lost way too many people before we realised that we could do things differently.

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ANTZ-IN-PANTZ ……

“The Space Migration Part Is What I’m Working On Right Now”

Timothy Leary had numerous odd experiences behind prison walls. There was the time he dropped acid with Massachusetts inmates, the one in which he shared a Folsom cell block with Charles Manson and let us never forget that he was lectured in the pen by friend Marshall McLuhan. Such was the life of an LSD salesman.

One of the few trips Leary never got to take, except posthumously, was a trek to outer space. In 1976, during his “comeback tour” after stays in 29 jails and a retirement of sorts, Leary dreamed of leaving it all behind—way behind. The opening of John Riley’s People article “Timothy Leary Is Free, Demonstrably in Love and Making Extraterrestrial Plans“:

High in New Mexico’s Sangre de Cristo Mountains, in a wood-heated A-frame beside a rushing stream, the retired guru speaks:

“After six years of silence, we have three new ideas which we think are fairly good. One is space migration. Another is intelligence increase. The third is life extension. We use the acronym SMI2LE to bring them together.”

The sage is Timothy Leary, high priest of the 1960s LSD movement, who is just four weeks out of the 29th jail he has inhabited since his first arrest in Laredo, Texas, 11 years ago. That charge was possession of less than half an ounce of marijuana that his then-wife, Rosemarie, had handed to his daughter. In recent months, when Leary was appearing before federal grand juries investigating the Weather Underground, he was moved from prison to prison for his own safety. Now paroled at age 56, he will soon start a term of probation whose length will be set by a federal judge.

Leary fled a federal work camp in California in 1970, an escape planned by Rosemarie and the Weather Underground. The Learys went first to Africa, then to Switzerland, where their marriage collapsed. Leary met and was captivated by a then 26-year-old jet-setter, Joanna Harcourt-Smith, whom he married in 1972. Three weeks later they traveled to Afghanistan, where U.S. authorities captured them both and flew them back to Los Angeles.

“Joanna visited me regularly,” Leary says. “She published several of my books and lobbied and schemed to get me free.” He looks at her adoringly, and she turns from the breakfast dishes in the sink to kiss him. Joanna tells how she collared Betty Ford on a street in San Diego and pleaded with her for Tim’s freedom. “I’m doing for my husband what you’re doing for yours. You’re helping yours get elected President, and I’m helping mine get out of prison.”

“One of the plans that she was continually hatching to break me out,” says Leary, “was for her to descend onto the Vacaville prison grounds in a silver helicopter blaring Pink Floyd music, wearing nothing but a machine gun. We called it Plan No. 346.”

“You know,” he continues, after Joanna has left to drive to a village 10 miles away for groceries and cigarettes, “in 1970 the U.S. government directly and bluntly shut me up. It was the greatest thing that could have happened, because I had run out of ideas.” His face, its prison pallor turned to brown by the mountain sun, breaks into a grin. A woodpecker hammers at the chimney of their Franklin stove. “Does that every morning,” says Leary. “We’ve named him the tinpecker.

“Well, SMI2LE, as I said, is a good idea. The acronym is woven into Joanna’s belts and purses. The space migration part is what I’m working on right now. Los Alamos [the atomic laboratory] is not far away and I have lots of questions about laser fusion. And this valley is an ideal temporary planetary base of operations for getting away from earth.”

Leary not only wants to live on a space station between the earth and the moon, he wants to take some of the planet with him. “How far can we see from here?” he asks. “Half a mile? According to a professor at Princeton, such an area could be compressed to a degree that I figure could be fit within a NASA spacecraft.”•

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